Monday, September 13, 2010
Incendiary Situation? Try This
For the past few weeks the country has been hearing from this Imam Rauf of New York and the US State Department, and his determination to build a mosque at Ground Zero.
He has even claimed the Muslim World (The Cosmo-Ummah) might explode if it is not built.
Here's a thought. Let's put word out that people are secretly burning Korans. Think of being accused of being a Closet Crusader. Paranoia, apoplexy, social spasms and suspicion could cause something like a Parisian Traffic jamb. The PC'ers, Islamophiles and Islamoleptics will have their knickers twisted. If accused, demand proof; require a Habeas Libra. Watch for people who might have plain common pins under their lapels, drachmas in penny loafers, one eyelet not laced in a shoe and other furtive devices.
Hey, it's a negative they'd have to prove - Let's watch them try (I mean, they won't be hindered by logic). The way this issue and the country's going, let's have a ball with it. Let's sell tickets. Maybe house parties with guests bringing detritus from ash-trays. "Can you prove that that ash is not.....?" (Again - "they won't be hindered by logic"...watch them strain in proving a negative by affirmation of a suspicions - They‘d be scrambling for St. Thomas Aquinas.).
The money-maker here is publishing Korans for the sole purpose of burning. If they're bound in pig-skin there will be the double volatility: the substance and the art of good insult. (Better than curse "May the fleas on your camel once live on monkeys".)
Here's a twist: Remember, Imam Rauf suggested if the Zero Mosque isn't built, “Islam will explode”? Let’s reverse the hostage ploy: Let's offer Islam a chance to ransom Korans with their petro-dollars. (Hell, it could exceed the revenues of mailed products in presidential an election season - to say nothing about PAC's.)
With 1.57 billion Muslims, making up 23% of the world population, there could be quite a revenue. Whole classes of talibs might receive cinders documents to celebrate their graduations. We could issue receipts to show their imams. (And, if you act right now, we can issue you a photographed certificate with your debircsni eman - Oops! - name inscribed.) They' d trip over the hems of their thawbs trying to get them. Think of the revenues in pulp (cindered and used for publication). True copies should have water-marked pages. We could even use recycled paper from self-help, inner-self and how-to books or the defeatist US history school texts of the past fifty years. Price controls would have to be established to guarantee value. Only payment in US Currency or gold weight will be accepted. (State and local tax-exempt.) Hawala transfer not accepted.
Now, as the highest of motives tend to the human element of corruption, let's project into possible criminality: Kasbah entrepreneurs are likely to set up black markets of bogus receipts. Black markets cause inflation, and in theocracies this plan could be quite damaging. What we don't realize in revenues will be complemented by little chinks in local economies.